One day, I am going to blow up and die. Yep, that's what's going to happen to me. I'm going to be so frustrated one day that I'll crack. I'll crack into a million pieces and just melt away into the floor. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Pondering this topic for hours at tops. Believing it, but not really seeing... Frustration, impatience, and the constant disorders. XC I might as well blow up now and bring forth a mushroom cloud or worse, kill people. Gosh.

My hands are tingling again... I want to smash my fists into a wall really hard and just close my eyes for ten minutes, and feel the warm blood trickle down my bloodied knuckles. I want to bury myself under covers and just choke myself to the last breath. Some things are right, but there are gaps in my life where I want to mend it... fix the pain that I am suffering. Start over. Anything. I want to destroy the pain in the back of my head. The one that constantly steals my patience, my decent dispositions, my undivided attention. Everything's falling out of order. Every time, I try to catch and restore them, it's too late. Mending will take forever. For now, I have a wall in front of me and my fists ready for blood shed.